How To Overcome Social Anxiety & Shyness Naturally

Navigating the world with social anxiety and shyness can be incredibly challenging. As someone who has always been the quiet one, I understand the overwhelming fear of being in the spotlight. In school, I never put my hand up, not wanting to draw attention to myself. However, with people I know well, I can be quite extroverted and outgoing. This paradox has shaped much of my personal and professional life, especially when it came to networking events for my business, which used to fill me with dread.

Social anxiety and shyness are often misunderstood and can sometimes be intertwined. Understanding these concepts and exploring natural ways to manage them can be transformative. In this post, we'll delve into what social anxiety and shyness are, their roots, and practical methods to overcome them, including my favorite tool - EFT tapping.

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety

Shyness is a personality trait characterized by a feeling of discomfort or inhibition in social situations. It often involves self-consciousness and fear of negative judgment. Shy individuals might avoid eye contact, speak softly, and experience physical symptoms like sweating or a racing heart in social settings.

Scenario: Shyness Sarah is a shy individual who feels uncomfortable in social situations, especially when meeting new people. At a friend's party, she finds herself gravitating towards the corner of the room, avoiding eye contact and speaking softly when approached. Her heart races, and she feels her face flush whenever she is asked a question. Although she wants to engage more, her self-consciousness and fear of negative judgment hold her back.

Social Anxiety is a more intense and persistent form of shyness. It involves a significant fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations, often leading to avoidance behaviors. People with social anxiety might worry excessively about upcoming social events, replay conversations in their heads, and experience severe physical symptoms such as nausea, trembling, or panic attacks.

Scenario: Social Anxiety Mark experiences social anxiety and dreads attending any social gathering. Before a work networking event, he spends days worrying about what to say and how others might perceive him, a common concern for someone with social anxiety. On the day of the event, he feels nauseous and shaky, struggling to leave his house. When he finally arrives, he avoids interacting with others, feeling intense fear and panic at the thought of being judged or saying something embarrassing. The event leaves him emotionally exhausted, and he replays every interaction in his head, criticizing himself for perceived mistakes.

Symptoms of Shyness:

• Avoiding eye contact
• Speaking softly or hesitantly
• Physical symptoms like blushing or sweating
• Difficulty starting conversations

Symptoms of Social Anxiety:

• Intense fear of social situations
• Avoidance of social interactions
• Severe physical symptoms (nausea, trembling, panic attacks)
• Excessive worry about being judged

Understanding the distinctions and similarities between shyness and social anxiety is crucial in addressing them effectively. Awareness is key. By recognizing these symptoms in ourselves, we can take the first steps towards managing and overcoming the challenges they present, leading to a more confident and fulfilling social life.

The Roots of Social Anxiety and Shyness

Our social behaviors can be traced back to our tribal days when belonging to a group was essential for survival. Rejection by the tribe could mean isolation and increased vulnerability to predators. This deep-seated need for acceptance and fear of rejection still influences us today, manifesting as shyness or social anxiety.

Sometimes, past experiences or trauma can also shape our social behaviors. Traumatic experiences, such as bullying, criticism, or rejection, can leave lasting impressions on our psyche. These events can create deep emotional scars and heighten our fear of social situations. For instance, being bullied at school can lead to a persistent fear of judgment and rejection, while harsh criticism from a parent or authority figure can undermine self-esteem and confidence. Such experiences condition our minds to associate social interactions with anxiety and discomfort, perpetuating a cycle of fear and avoidance. Addressing and healing from these past traumas is crucial in overcoming social anxiety and shyness, as it allows us to break free from the patterns of fear that hold us back and make us want to avoid social situations.

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: Natural Methods

1. EFT Tapping

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) tapping is a powerful tool that involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the body while focusing on feelings of anxiety or negative thoughts. This practice helps to calm the nervous system, reduce cortisol levels, and alleviate anxiety.

How to Perform EFT Tapping:

• Identify the issue causing anxiety (e.g., fear of meeting new people).
• Rate the intensity of the anxiety on a scale from 0 to 10.
• Create a setup statement: “Even though I feel anxious about meeting new people and socializing, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
• Tap on the following meridian points while repeating phrases that reflect how you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This helps to address and release any emotional or physical tension related to those thoughts and feelings. 

  • Side of the Hand: Even though I feel anxious about meeting new people, I deeply and completely accept myself. (Repeat 3 times)

  • Eyebrow: I feel so anxious about meeting new people.

  • Side of the Eye: What if I say the wrong thing? People will judge me.

  • Under the Eye: I never know what to say.

  • Under the Nose: I worry about making a bad impression.

  • Chin: I feel so self-conscious in social situations.

  • Collarbone: What if I embarrass myself?

  • Under the Arm: I’m afraid of being judged.

  • Top of the Head: I’m anxious about meeting new people and what they might think of me.

• Reassess the intensity of the anxiety and repeat as necessary.

• Once the intensity has reduced, try tapping on some positive self-talk to boost your confidence, for example:

  • Eyebrow: I am doing my best to build my confidence step-by-step.

  • Side of the Eye: I am learning to feel more comfortable around new people.

  • Under the Eye: I am capable of making a positive impression.

  • Under the Nose: I am growing more confident with each interaction.

  • Chin: It’s okay to be nervous, and I am still doing great.

  • Collarbone: I am worthy of positive connections and friendships.

  • Under the Arm: I trust in my ability to handle social situations.

  • Top of the Head: I am becoming more relaxed and self-assured with each meeting.

Scientific studies have shown that EFT tapping can significantly reduce cortisol levels and symptoms of anxiety, making it an effective tool for managing social anxiety and shyness.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By regularly meditating, you can learn to observe your anxiety without becoming overwhelmed by it, fostering a sense of calm and control.

Simple Mindfulness Exercise:

This practice can help shy people become more aware of their thoughts and feelings.

• Find a Quiet Space: Choose a calm and comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed.
• Sit Comfortably: Sit in a relaxed position with your back straight and your hands resting on your lap.
• Close Your Eyes: Gently close your eyes to minimize distractions.
• Focus on Your Breath: Pay attention to the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body. Notice how your chest or abdomen rises and falls with each inhale and exhale.
• Bring Focus Back: If your mind starts to wander, gently guide your attention back to your breath without judgment.

For additional support, you can explore guided meditations and mindfulness exercises available on YouTube or through apps like Calm and Headspace. These resources offer a variety of guided sessions that can help you relax, manage stress, and enhance your mindfulness practice. Whether you’re new to meditation or looking to deepen your practice, these tools can provide valuable guidance and structure, making it easier to integrate mindfulness into your daily routine.

3. Gradual Exposure

Facing your fears gradually can be a powerful way to desensitize yourself to anxiety-provoking situations. This approach, known as systematic desensitization, involves starting with less intimidating interactions and progressively working your way up to more challenging ones. Over time, this method helps build confidence and reduce anxiety by allowing you to gradually adjust to social situations at a comfortable pace.

Steps to Systematic Desensitization:

• Start Small: Begin with small, manageable interactions that feel less intimidating. For example, engage in light conversation with a cashier during your daily errands. This low-pressure setting helps you practice social skills in a non-threatening environment.

• Increase the Challenge: As you become more comfortable, move on to slightly more challenging situations. Attend a small social gathering where you can interact with a few people in a relaxed setting. This step helps you build confidence in a slightly more complex social context.

• Tackle Bigger Challenges: Gradually work your way up to more significant social events. Participate in larger gatherings, or if you’re ready, take on activities like giving a public presentation. These experiences will test and expand your comfort zone, reinforcing your ability to handle increasingly challenging situations.

Working with a Coach or Accountability Buddy:

To enhance your progress, consider working with a coach or an accountability buddy, or explore online therapy options. A coach can provide personalized guidance, practical strategies, and emotional support tailored to your specific needs. They can help you set realistic goals, track your progress, and offer constructive feedback.

An accountability buddy—someone who shares your commitment to overcoming social anxiety—can offer encouragement, celebrate your successes, and provide a sense of camaraderie, preventing you from feeling shy around others. This partnership can make the process of facing your fears less daunting and more motivating, as you have someone to share the journey with and hold you accountable to your goals.

By facing your fears step-by-step and leveraging the support of a coach or accountability buddy, you can gradually build confidence and reduce your anxiety. This methodical approach helps you develop resilience and comfort in social situations, making it easier to handle more challenging interactions over time.

4. Positive Self-Talk

Replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations can help reframe your mindset and reduce anxiety. Practice affirmations daily to build self-confidence and diminish self-doubt.

Examples of Positive Affirmations:

• “I am confident and capable.”
• “I am worthy of love and acceptance.”
• “I can handle social situations with ease.”

Use these affirmations whilst tapping to further enhance their impact. Combining positive affirmations with EFT tapping can amplify their effectiveness by addressing the emotional and physical aspects of anxiety simultaneously. As you tap on the specific acupressure points, repeat your affirmations with conviction, allowing their positive energy to permeate your subconscious mind.

5. Social Skills Training

Improving your social skills can significantly boost your confidence and help reduce anxiety in social situations. Social skills training involves learning and practicing techniques that enhance your ability to interact effectively with others. This training can address various aspects of communication, including active listening, assertiveness, and conversational skills.

Active Listening: Active listening involves fully concentrating on the speaker, understanding their message, responding thoughtfully, and remembering what was said. Practicing active listening helps build stronger connections with others and reduces the anxiety of not knowing how to respond in conversations.

Assertiveness: Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and respectfully, without aggression or passivity. Learning to be assertive allows you to advocate for yourself in social situations, set healthy boundaries, and build self-esteem.

Effective Communication Techniques: Effective communication encompasses clear expression of ideas, appropriate body language, and engaging in meaningful conversations. Techniques such as maintaining eye contact, using open body language, and asking open-ended questions can make interactions more enjoyable and less stressful.

Working with a Therapist: For those who have experienced past trauma, working with a therapist can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can help you process and heal from past experiences that may be influencing your current social behaviors. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your fears, develop coping strategies, and address any underlying issues contributing to your anxiety.

Working with a Coach: If your primary focus is building confidence and improving social interactions, a coach specializing in social skills or confidence-building can be a valuable resource. A coach can provide personalized feedback, practical exercises, and strategies tailored to your specific needs. They can help you set achievable goals, practice new skills in a supportive environment, and build your self-assurance in social settings.

Joining a Social Skills Group: Participating in a social skills group can offer practical experience and peer support. These groups provide opportunities to practice social interactions in a structured setting, receive constructive feedback, and learn from others facing similar challenges. Being part of a group also fosters a sense of community and belonging, which can be reassuring and motivating.

By investing time in social skills training and seeking professional support if needed, you can gradually enhance your social confidence and reduce anxiety. Building these skills takes practice and patience, but the positive impact on your social interactions and overall well-being can be profound.

6. Healthy Lifestyle Choices

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle plays a crucial role in managing anxiety and enhancing overall well-being. Adopting healthy habits can significantly impact how you feel and cope with stress. Here’s a closer look at how key lifestyle choices can help reduce anxiety:

Regular Exercise:
Engaging in regular physical activity is one of the most effective ways to manage anxiety. Exercise helps dissipate adrenaline, the hormone released during stressful situations, and stimulates the production of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Activities such as walking, jogging, swimming, or yoga can lower stress levels, improve mood, and increase overall resilience to anxiety. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week to experience these benefits.

Balanced Diet:
Eating a nutritious, well-balanced diet can support your mental health. Consuming a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats ensures that your body and brain receive the essential nutrients they need. Certain foods, like those rich in omega-3 fatty acids (e.g., salmon, walnuts) and antioxidants (e.g., berries, leafy greens), can have positive effects on mood and cognitive function. Avoiding excessive sugar and processed foods is also beneficial, as these can cause energy crashes and mood swings.

Adequate Sleep:
Quality sleep is fundamental to managing anxiety. Lack of sleep can heighten stress levels, impair cognitive function, and exacerbate feelings of anxiety. Establishing a consistent sleep routine, creating a calming pre-sleep ritual, and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment can help improve sleep quality. Aim for 7-9 hours of restful sleep each night to support your mental and emotional health.

Limiting Caffeine Intake:
Caffeine, found in coffee, tea, and many energy drinks, can have a significant impact on anxiety levels. While caffeine can provide a temporary boost in energy, it can also increase heart rate and stimulate the nervous system, leading to heightened feelings of anxiety and restlessness. Reducing or eliminating caffeine from your diet can help manage anxiety symptoms and promote a more stable mood.

Moderating Alcohol Consumption:
Alcohol is often used as a way to relax or alleviate stress, but it can actually contribute to increased anxiety in the long term. While alcohol may initially seem to ease anxiety, it can disrupt sleep patterns, impair judgment, and lead to mood swings as it leaves your system. Regular or excessive alcohol consumption can exacerbate anxiety symptoms and interfere with your overall mental health. Moderation is key, and seeking healthier coping mechanisms can be more beneficial for managing anxiety.

By integrating these healthy lifestyle choices into your daily routine, you can create a solid foundation for reducing anxiety and improving your overall well-being. Remember, small changes can have a significant impact over time. Prioritizing your physical health supports your mental health, helping you to navigate social situations with greater ease and confidence.

Conclusion

Overcoming social anxiety and shyness is a journey that requires patience and persistence. By understanding the roots of these feelings and utilizing natural methods such as EFT tapping, mindfulness, gradual exposure, positive self-talk, social skills training, and healthy lifestyle choices, you can begin to manage and reduce your anxiety.

Remember, you are not alone in this struggle. Many people experience social anxiety and shyness, but with the right tools and support, it is possible to lead a more confident and fulfilling life. Embrace your journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment, and know that every small step forward is a victory.